i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
