The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
