you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
