Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
of course. lets lasso hookers.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
