I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
