I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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