he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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