4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
