So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
