I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
