did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
