therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
