just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
