all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
