Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
