but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
