I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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