my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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