she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
