WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
