You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
