I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
