The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
A bitchslap is in order.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
