I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
