is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
