We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
