1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
