uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
