Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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