watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He has the fingertips of a God
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