My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
