Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
