We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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