everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
