who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
