Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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