drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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