Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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