am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
