well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
