Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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