It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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