They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
