Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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