i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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