Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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