I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
