I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
