woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
