Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
