i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
