You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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