I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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