dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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