My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Who died my cat blue again?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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