So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
