There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
