Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
